By Contributing Writer, Tami V. Allen, MS, LPC
Every January allows a new opportunity for personal and professional renewal, but why not focus on renewing your relationship as well? Typically, people make New Year’s resolutions to replace negative behaviors which tend to fade by mid-February. For 2022, focus on setting achievable goals to improve the quality of your relationship in 2022. Below are four suggested relationship goals to try.
1. Pick a new hobby to engage in together. It’s so easy to fall into a rut of doing the same thing week after week or engaging in separate interests. Exploring new ventures creates opportunities to spend more quality time together and bring new energy to the relationship. This could be anything from taking up ballroom dancing, home remodeling, getting fit, cooking, or volunteering.
2. Plan routine, weekly date nights as you did when you were dating. If you have kids, it takes a bit more planning, but make plans to have bi-weekly date nights, at a minimum. Dating your spouse starts long before the actual date. It means paying attention and doing the little special things that express your love and respect for your spouse. Think outside of the box, and be creative by choosing various and unique random activities that each of you like. Then take turns exploring new adventures to have more fun, and select a regularly scheduled night, committing to it. There is no reason you cannot make the effort to revitalize your relationship.
3. Be fully present when you are together. This is the age of technology overload, and we leave technology on our jobs and come home and get back into technology, be it the TV, computer, video game, and/or cell phones. I hear so many couples claim they don’t have enough time for each other, but when I ask them how they spend their time in the evenings, it is usually doing things independent of each other. After you get settled in from work and get the kids in bed, if that applies, take at least 30 minutes to talk about your day, but don’t spend too long on the negative aspects. Talk about the positive. Make a rule of no phones at the dinner table, in the bedroom, or before you spend quality time with each other first. Communication improves the more you practice being fully present.
4. Focus on what you can do to make life better for your spouse rather than focusing on what they can do for you. My pastor once said in bible study that if each partner focuses on outdoing the other, how can you lose? Do something from the heart without any expectation of the favor returned. Sometimes you can influence positive behavior in the other just by exuding it.
Start your New Year off with some of these suggestions, but you should take time to name goals relevant to the needs of your relationship. Change can only happen through action, and remember that nothing beats a failure but a try.
As your relationship coach, my goal is to work with individuals and couples to improve communication and restore confidence in your relationships. For more information about me and my services, please visit my website at www.AllenCounselingGroup.com. You can also reach me by email at Tami@AllenCounselingGroup.com or by phone at 713-597-4499.
Tami Vienn Allen is the owner of Allen Counseling Group and specializes in relationship counseling.
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