By: LJ Garfield
Imagine growing up in a small, tight-knit Cajun Creole town in Louisiana, a decade post-integration. In this town, Black people lived on one side of the highway, and white people lived on the other. Though racism was prevalent, it was not a factor of many childhood thoughts, as there was neighborly harmony between these two racial groups, despite living separately. There was Granny, Nana, GiGi, and Big Mamma, who were the matriarchal forces leading the community on surviving, teaching everyone who would receive their wisdom. Though Black history-makers today boast positions of corporate leadership and the title of Vice President of the United States, history-makers during this time were the first Black bus driver and first Black cheerleader of an elementary school. Times like this are quite different from today, but that was the reality of growing up for Tonnia Toussaint (now Cotton) in Lake Charles.
Tonnia’s life wasn’t highlighted by titles or accolades when she started the journey that would later become her debut self-help book, Position Yourself. In fact, it was the farthest thing from her mind. And little did she know that when she met RJ during her adolescent years, who was her first love, this whirlwind relationship would prepare her to write Position Yourself.
Position Yourself details Tonnia’s childhood. Her parents were middle class professionals. And they were the best parents they knew how to be. But not healing from their own backgrounds caused issues in their marriage and for the family. Her father worked hard to provide, but his alcoholism and strict discipline at times denied Tonnia and her sisters the emotional and mental support young girls need from a father. Her mother was a victim of her father’s behavior, enduring emotional and psychological abuse for many years to keep the family together.
This straightforward but candid book inspires readers to push their way through life’s disappointments, family issues, abusive relationships, and other challenges by understanding and accepting that these things are all part of the process to strengthen and equip your progress through life. Position Yourself reminds readers that it is through painful experiences that lessons are learned, character is groomed, and knowledge is acquired.
Tonnia kept many of her journals over the last two decades, referring to them while writing this book. The good and bad times were recorded and reflected on. They are filled with the memories of her upbringing and how her family dynamic caused her to doubt her dreams, also making her vulnerable to the perverse whispers of older men.
This book is not only for the healing of others, but it brought Tonnia to the awareness that she was attracted to a man who exhibited the same unhealthy behaviors as her father. She could not deny the connection between her abusive relationship with RJ and the abusive relationship between her father and mother. Although Tonnia’s father was not physically abusive towards her mother, he was controlling, jealous, and an adulterer. Recognizing emotional abuse is not always as easy as identifying physical abuse, but both types of abuse can create deep emotional wounds.
Like Tonnia’s mom tried to hide the abuse at the hands of her father, Tonnia mirrored the same behavior in her abusive relationship with RJ. But when Tonnia’s sister discovered this secret, she confronted RJ. What happened after that, you’ll have to read the book to find out.
Position Yourself details Tonnia’s life and experiences through her eyes, being transparent on challenges she faced as she walked into love with a superficial perspective and not a Godly, spiritual perspective good for the soul. Position Yourself allows readers, specifically women, to see that they can survive abuse, create and achieve goals, find purpose, grow, and heal. This is also a must read for young adults and older readers seeking to rebuild. One of Tonnia’s goals for the reader is that this book sparks a change that helps them start to address wounds of the past, no matter how difficult, paving the way to a brighter, healthier future.
Tonnia Cotton resides in Houston with her husband. She is a mother of four and has one grandchild. Position Yourself is available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle. A companion workbook will be released soon. For more information, visit www.positionys.com.
