By Contributing Writer Tami V. Allen, MS, LPC
Remember the book by John Gray, “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus?” In my counseling sessions with couples, men and women both continue to report they don’t know what makes their partner happy. While each person is different, there are some fundamentally basic love needs of each and if honored, there is room to improve the quality of interaction in your relationship.
Women’s Top Love Needs:
1. For women, unconditional love and acceptance are usually communicated through encouragement, compliments, considering her thoughts and opinions: valuable, actively listening, and spending quality time with her. Nothing energizes a woman more than hearing her partner tell her how beautiful and loved she is, demonstrating that she holds first place, pointing out and supporting her in reaching her potential, and telling her how much she is appreciated.
2. Emotional intimacy and communication mean that a woman wants to feel vulnerable and safe to share inner thoughts, and feelings, and reveal her true self without feeling judged. Emotional intimacy means that she wants to feel emotionally and mentally connected before being sexually connected.
3. Women desire a spiritual connection with God’s foundation interwoven throughout the relationship. She desires her partner to be the spiritual leader of the home according to God’s design. A woman needs encouragement to grow by using her spiritual gifts, to maintain her individual interests, and prayers.
4. Companionship to a woman means growing together, laughing and playing together, staying the course when things get tough, and heart-to-heart communication.
Men’s Top Love Needs:
1. Unconditional love, respect, and acceptance of a man mean accepting him for who he is and not trying to change him. It also means occasionally putting aside personal needs to meet his needs.
2. Sexual intimacy includes passion and the desire to please the woman he loves. Sexual rejection can make a man shut down, withdraw, and at worse, look for a sexual connection outside of the relationship.
3. Companionship to a man means he needs to know you are his “ride or die.” Can he count on you to be the one he opens his heart to, be his safe place to face his pain, love him sacrificially, and be his best friend?
4. Men also need to grow spiritually and the encouragement and affirmation from their partner to be the spiritual leader of the home which is the most difficult role they will ever take on. A woman should encourage her man to connect with God, his family, and other men of faith. She can also encourage him to spend time in the Word and pray for and with him to meet his spiritual need.
Take a little time every day to focus on your partner’s love needs. Meeting your partner’s love needs is one of the most important responsibilities in your relationship and is sure to bring you closer together.
As your Relationship Coach, my goal is to work with individuals and couples to improve communication and restore confidence in your relationships. For more information about me and my services, please visit my website at www.AllenCounselingGroup.com. You call also reach me by email at Tami@AllenCounselingGroup.com or by phone at 713-597-4499.
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